PB: SDM’s Campaign Kickoff Meeting
SDM was ready to blog on the upcoming Palmetto Bay council meeting, but that juicy topic will have to wait because Mayor Stanczyk and Councilwoman Lindsay are at it again. And it got SDM to thinking…
SDM: Thank you all for coming to my campaign meeting. We have decided to run for Mayor of Palmetto Bay!
Campaign Consultant (CC): It’s only you and me here, SDM.
SDM: SDM likes to think of ourselves in the plural…like the Queen of England.
CC: Whatever, you’re the client. Now, let’s get on to the key issue…
SDM: Yes, the key issue: SDM needs more publicity! Our opposition (growling), Mayor Shelley Stanczyk, is getting it all and SDM will not stand for it a moment longer.
CC: Publicity? That’s not the key issue here. The critical matter…
SDM: The critical matter is that SDM needs to have our mug plastered all over the place so the village people – rather the village people who vote – will vote for SDM and not for that…er…other person. So, here is my, er… our idea: SDM will publish in the widely read Miami Herald Neighbors…
CC: Widely read?
SDM: Stop interrupting us or we will have you tossed from the Chamber. SDM will publish in the very widely read Miami Herald Neighbors a picture of SDM standing between Councilwoman Joan Lindsay and Mayor Shelley Stanczyk! When the village people see this picture, they will say: Wow, SDM knows people who are famous and important! The village people will transfer the importance of these two elected officials onto SDM and – voila – SDM will be famous, too! It’s so easy. Let’s make this happen.
CC: Where do I start? First, the idea that fame transfers from one person to another just because of a photo-op is ridiculous SDM. Second, and more importantly…
SDM: Ridiculous?!? Then why would Amiga One and Amiga Two go to Palmer Trinity School and have their photos taken with Martin Luther King III, hmmmm??? Nobody even noticed how hypocritical they were being, especially after interfering with that poor school for over five years. It seems to be working for them, isn’t it? Maybe SDM should hire their PR flack and get rid of you.
CC: Now, now SDM, let’s not be hasty. Maybe you are right…er, I mean, of course, you are right! Fame does wash off, even if the act of getting oneself near the famous person is totally and absurdly hypocritical. But…
SDM: But what?
CC: How do we get a picture of you and the Amigas? I mean, have you ever read your blog?
SDM: Pish posh, they don’t know who we are. Besides, they will be running for re-election soon and we will just give them a fat contribution of $20 each. Politicians love money and campaign contributions, too.
CC: Twenty dollars…er, of course SDM, $20 would be an excellent and generous contribution and certainly not too much given the quality of their leadership.
SDM: Precisely! Now, you’re catching on. It’s all settled then… What now?
CC: SDM, you’re anonymous.
CC: How can you be in a picture if you’re anonymous?
SDM: Must we think of everything? The answer is really very simple, we will be represented in the photo by a mannequin.
CC: A mannequin?
SDM: Yes! Like the ones in Macy’s window. You will take the mannequin to the photo-op and any other campaign event and the mannequin will be SDM’s earthly body for that purpose. Simple.
CC: Uhhh…but the mannequin can’t talk or respond to questions. What if it gets elected?
SDM: If it gets elected? You really are dense, you know that? Do you think the SDM mannequin would be the first mindless body seated on the Palmetto Bay council? Ever heard of Shelley Stanczyk, Brian Pariser or the Marathon Man?
CC: But…but how will it legislate, make motions and vote and such?
SDM: Oh for the love of Pete! SDM will talk through a speaker installed in the mannequin’s mouth, just like Lindsay and the Mayor. Don’t you worry, SDM has thought of everything.
*Author’s note: Any resemblance of the characters in this scene to any living person is merely dumb luck and should be ignored normal persons.