SDM Quick Bites: Misc. Edition

by SDM

Vice Mayor John Dubois Offers $50,000 Reward for Mangrove Assassins

In Miami-Dade County, voters are used to quirky political shenanigans. In last year’s election, for example, former Vice Mayor Brian Pariser’s volunteer Elizabeth Williams was caught red-handed by Mr. Dubois stealing his signs. Of course, this being our crazy little political world, Mr. Dubois chased Williams all the way to North Miami.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that Dubois – who was accused by county environmental regulators of cutting down mangroves on his bayfront estate – discovered illegal mangrove chopping on a Biscayne Bay islet near his home. You can watch the video news coverage of the story here.

SDM Wonders: How long will it take before the conspiracy theorists wind up their paranoia given this new wrinkle in the Dubois story? Who chopped down the mangroves and why?

The Arrogant Marlins Continue to Fail and We’re on the Hook for the Bill

SDM tuned into WLRN this morning and heard the kind of “We Told You So” story that just breaks our hearts. (We tried to find a link on the website, but there is nothing posted at least as of publication time, so this post is based on SDM’s perpetually fading memory.)

The story goes as follows: Some Marlins fans are disappointed by the most recent dismantling of the team, including a wholesale chopping of the star players. (SDM hopes there’s no connection to the Dubois mangrove story here. ;) ) The upshot is that the Marlins have sold only 5,000 season tickets! As SDM’s kids would text: OMG LOL!!!

Unfortunately, for county and city taxpayers, it’s no laughing-out-loud matter since we are all on the hook if this pathetic team fails to pay the stadium’s debts. But don’t worry, David Samson said it was all worth it because instead of losing major league baseball, “the Marlins will be here for decades and generations to come.”

Now we feel much better. Instead of using a billion dollars on something important, we retained a baseball team that can only fill 14% of its seats through season ticket sales. Thank you Marlins for debt as far as the eye can see!

SDM Says:¬†We’re convinced that the Dolphins’ brass planned this all along. Even their greedy self-interest pales by comparison to the Marlins’ mismanagement, economic rape and pillaging.

SDM Wonders: How many of the politicians, professional staff and lobbyists who foisted this deal upon the taxpayers actually buy season tickets? Maybe we should tax their pay checks (or retirement funds) and raise their lobbying fees so they can enjoy some baseball and cushion the blow on the rest of us.

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