PB: CCOCI Transcript Reveals Dissension in the Ranks

by SDM

SDM’s super secret source deep within the bowels of CCOCI has released another transcript from that infamous star chamber’s last super secret meeting held at a super secret local watering hole:

Gary:  Since Shelley is late, I suggest we get started. Jerry, order us another pitcher.

Jerry:  Got it. Is this going on the CCOCI account…you know under “community outreach”?

Gary:  Just like always… Ok, we need to get to the agenda. First up is our newest convert Patrick Fiore. Now that Fiore is on the team, we need to start moving our items along.

Joan:  Yes, now is the time to strike while Fiore is with us. It’s too bad we lost Schaffer to the Dark Side.

Jerry:  Joan’s right…as usual, sugar. Schaffer seems to be his own man. We missed on him. Here’s the thing: if Fiore’s with us, then why didn’t he shake my hand after the vote to keep the transcripts secret?

Warren:  Maybe he doesn’t like you. I mean, you did flip him off at the last meeting.

Jerry:  That’s a lie propounded by that scurrilous website. I was only scratching my head.

Warren:  With your middle finger?

Jerry:  Yes. I always scratch the back of my head with that digit…it has an unusually long fingernail. The whole episode is just a big misunderstanding. Why would I shoot the bird at my wife? Makes no sense…

Gary:  Jerry, fill up my glass and get us another pitcher. The “finger” controversy will die off on its own. The big question is: how are we going to silence all of these conspiratorial Palmer people and that blog. I call the author Some Dumb Motherf@#$er.

Shelley:  Hellooooo everyone! Sorry I’m late. Bev and I were visiting at Starbucks and lost track of the time.

Bev:  Geez, you guys are already through 3 pitchers? Our budget is going to take a hit this month.

Gary:  Look, this is a stressful time for me. Palmer’s secret society is out to get me. They forced Dubois to sue me. I’m sure my phone is tapped and David Singer — God only knows what he’s up to. Top that off for me, Jerry. Thanks pal.

Bev:  Singer’s just a shill for Palmer…just like all of them…all of them…

Jerry:  Easy Bev, it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.

Shelley:  Sooooo, here’s what I’m thinking. I need to get people to stop thinking about what’s going in the village and start worrying about bigger things. You know, like when the President goes on a trip to Greece instead of dealing with Congress?

Joan:  I’m listening. Hope nobody else is! (Nervous laughter all around.)

Shelley:  Ed Feller used to get everyone hyped up about property insurance. I’m going to steal his idea and start holding a bunch of pointless meetings on the subject. The beauty is that I can’t do anything about it! I’ll just blame those Republican legislators when they fail to fix the problem. It’s perfect!

Bev: Those Republicans…they’re all working for Palmer.

Gary:  Yep. I saw a Republican at a Palmer meeting once. Jerry, this mug isn’t going to fill itself.

Warren:  I like Republicans as long as they don’t try to build schools, parks, apartment buildings, office complexes or anything else within 100 miles of my house.

Shelley:  Let’s get back on topic, here. I’m going to hold this meeting and I need all of our CCOCI members to attend and complain about their property insurance rates. I’ll need all 10 of you.

Joan:  Two of us are on the council, Shelley. So the best you can get is eight.

Shelley: Ok, all eight need to show up. And, nobody talks about the village. The budget is off limits. I have several things stuck in there that I don’t want that David Singer to find out about. He is such a pain in the butt. I mean, did you see that he posted all the screen shots from my website palmettobaycheckstherecord.org? Anyone can look at what I wrote about “my friends.”

Joan:  No kidding. And he got the shade session transcripts that show all of your work to keep that Palmer lawsuit going – against my better judgment. Those transcripts tell the whole story and they are not going to help your re-election campaign, that’s for sure.

Shelley: Excuse me? “Against your better judgment”? You pushed that lawsuit like it was a a personal grudge.

Jerry:  Not true. Clearly, Joan was against the Palmer lawsuit from the beginning. You just have to read between the lines.

Gary: That’s the way I read those transcripts.

Bev: Me too.

Warren: Clear as day.

Shelley:  So that’s how it’s going to be? Throw Shelley from the train? You’ll never get away with it Joan. And Jerry? I’m not afraid of you. Nobody will vote for Mr. Middle Finger, so you can forget about trying to hang this on me.

Jerry:  I scratched an itch…that’s all. What I didn’t do is make that stupid motion that started the whole Palmer fiasco. That’s all you baby.

Gary:  Hold up Jerry, just hold up a second. Where did my beer go? Oh, there we go. Listen, we know Shelley screwed the pooch on Palmer. Can’t put that genie back in the bottle… Now, what was I going to say?

Bev:  Shelley, I guess I’m going to have to be the bearer of bad tidings. We had a little meeting on the phone and the vote was 9-0 to dump you as Mayor. Jerry’s going to run instead. His slogan will be, “Jerry for Mayor salutes you Palmetto Bay!” We already ordered those foam #1 fingers, slightly modified.

Shelley:  You’ll never get away with it. You don’t want Shelley Stanczyk as an opponent, Jerry. After my insurance meeting, everyone will love me again. (Storms out.)

Gary:  I’ve always suspected her as a front for Palmer. Get me a frosty mug while you’re up Jerry. Anybody want some wings?

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