Joan Lindsay | South Dade Matters

May 7, 2013

PB: Who is Shelley Stanczyk?

Watching last night’s Village Council meeting struck SDM as surreal. SDM was trying to imagine what was going on in the minds of Mayor Stanczyk’s colleagues and we decided they must be asking “who is this lady sitting next to me?”

Vice Mayor John Dubois must sit there steaming; he certainly looks like it. The woman sitting next to him created a fictitious persona and website to accuse him of a crime! Mayor Stanczyk’s website posted copies of some nasty fliers that claimed Mr. Dubois “illegally” cut down mangroves on his property. When one claims in writing that another person did an illegal act, that can constitute defamation under Florida law.

Here at SDM, we vet every post and comment to make sure we don’t cross the line. And, we will take down material that amounts to defamation – if we agree – when a damaged party makes a request.

Mrs. Stanczyk’s claims against Dubois are particularly troubling because they are so uninformed. The fact is that trimming mangroves is a regulated, legal activity subject to interpretation by the county. If the county determines that mangroves were trimmed in violation of state law, then they can impose fines and ultimately sue to collect outstanding monies due.

For any person who has ever faced an enforcement action, you know that the government isn’t always right. Mr. Dubois finds himself under fire from the county and eventually will come to some resolution with them. Does that make his conduct illegal? Not necessarily and Mrs. Stanczyk knows better. In fact, SDM doubts she’d have made the accusation if she thought it would catch up to her. How’s that for political courage?

SDM Wonders: How does Mr. Dubois sit on that dais next to someone who seems to think that no act in a political campaign is beneath her? SDM wrote last month that village politics is not a war…unless you are the Mayor, apparently.

Speaking of code enforcement violations, how do you think former Council Member Howard Tendrich feels after re-reading the website now knowing that his one-time ally wrote that “he’s the anonymous caller if you ever have the code officer visit you and he tells you a complaint was made.”

Really Mme. Mayor? Your statement is either an outrageous lie or a truth without any substantive evidence in the record. If the latter is the case, then produce the inside information and the staffer who is leaking it because we are told that code enforcement violations are called in anonymously. If the former is the case, you have no shame.

SDM Wonders: How do the Mayor’s allies on the council and in the community view this politician now that they know what she’s been up to? She seems to have no compunction to say anything once an ally disagrees with her. Better watch your back Council Members Lindsay and Schaffer; you may be next on her hit list.

SDM Says: We understand there is another shoe to drop in this scandal – perhaps several more, in fact. Therefore, we have no choice here at SDM but to wait and watch as this wonderful little experiment in self-government is smeared by a forgettable, small-minded political flyweight. The next election can’t come soon enough.

Final note to our readers: For those of you out there saying, but SDM, you anonymously blog and say some pretty tough – sometimes nasty – things about the village people. What gives you the right to judge the Mayor? Here’s the difference between SDM and the Mayor: SDM is written by outsiders. No one is elected to diddly squat. Even if you don’t believe it, SDM gains nothing by writing this blog except the satisfaction that another perspective is being published. Someone has to point out the other side of the village story and that’s what we try to do here. No defamation…just carefully researched facts and opinions derived from our best efforts at understanding what is going on.

14 comments

April 3, 2013

PB: Steppin’ Out with the Tres Hermanos

Ok, so SDM had some very formative years during the musical 1980s. One SDM favorite came to mind while watching the Palmetto Bay Village Council meeting on Monday, April 1st when her honor Mayor Shelley Stanczyk got up and walked out before adjourning the council meeting:

We’re – so tired of all the darkness in our lives

With no more angry words to say can come alive

Get into a car and drive to the other side.

Steppin’ Out, Joe Jackson (1982)

Now the only question for Ms. Stanczyk is where is the other side? In fact, it looked to SDM like the Marathon Man, Tim Schaffer, got into his red truck and drove from the Three Amigos to join the Tres Hermanos along with Vice Mayor John Dubois and Councilman Patrick Fiore.

SDM couldn’t help but notice that the Tres Hermanos coalition – i.e., the private property owners’ rights coalition – joined together to push for some major changes to the badly named “Neighborhood Protection Ordinance.” (In fact, SDM’s first suggestion is to delete this silly name – mark that one down.)

Then, the Tres Hermanos appeared to unite on creating a financial advisory board – though SDM can’t be sure if that idea passed or not. SDM Wonders: Why would the Mayor support having an education committee over which the village has absolutely no jurisdiction but oppose a finance committee that is looking at village finances? Chalk that up to an SDM head scratcher.

The big move – and the one that shot the Mayor from her chair as if she just noticed a meter maid standing over her car – was when the Tres Hermanos joined together to (gasp) put a village contract out to bid!

SDM Wonders: So this is what upsets you Mme. Mayor? Bidding out public contracts?

SDM reads Schaffer’s move from the Three Amigos to the Tres Hermanos with cautious optimism. Perhaps Palmetto Bay’s newest elected official – after gaining a glimpse behind the curtain – sees that the Mayor (figuratively) wears no clothes.

Then again, perhaps this is merely a tactical move by Mr. Schaffer to maintain his independence. Either way, what a breath of fresh air! Bravo and kudos.

The only real lowlight of the night was when Mr. Dubois caved in and withdrew his item on releasing the Palmer shade session transcripts. The Village Attorney changed her previous stance that all the Palmer litigation was “intertwined” to a new formulation that SDM has a hard time describing.

Her idea – as our tiny little brains understand it – is that because Palmer has amended its pending complaint to include certain acts by council members or others involved in the concluded litigation, then those acts somehow render the now-decided Palmer case as not concluded for purposes of the public records act.

In other words, because someone involved in the concluded litigation is now implicated in the pending legislation, the shade sessions will contain facts or data that will hurt the Village’s ability to defend itself going forward. (SDM Says: Bunk. There is no such exception to the public records act.)

Nonetheless, based on this legal advice, Mr. Dubois withdrew his item. (Next time Mr. Dubois, when you are confronted with changed facts, defer your item so that you don’t have to reintroduce it. Then you can do some homework and if the attorney is right, then you can withdraw it later.)

Of course, the Mayor couldn’t resist putting in her warped two cents again. Both the Mayor and Councilwoman Lindsay analogized the village’s withholding of public records to an individual not disclosing her communications with her attorney.

Newsflash: The Village of Palmetto Bay is not a person. It is a municipal corporation governed by distinct laws. Other sections of state law applies to for profit and non profit corporations and individuals. (SDM has discussed the public records act ad nauseum so we won’t do so again here.)

SDM Says: The Village Attorney may very well be putting the council members at risk of violating the law, which could cause them to be removed from office….maybe they should get a second opinion.

11 comments

March 26, 2013

Palmetto Bay Chutzpa Award

The Palmetto Bay COW meeting last week reminded SDM of an old joke Ronald Reagan used to tell about the twin boys that had developed extreme personalities – one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist – so their parents took them to a psychiatrist:

First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. ‘What’s the matter?’ the psychiatrist asked, baffled. ‘Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?’ ‘Yes,’ the little boy bawled, ‘but if I did I’d only break them.’

Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother the pessimist. The boy clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop of the nasty stuff with his bare hands. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. ‘With all this manure,’ the little boy replied, beaming, ‘there must be a pony in here somewhere!’

Well, SDM’s personalities combine both extremes so we did find a pony in a meeting loaded to the ceiling with the nasty stuff, which leads us to announce this week’s Chutzpa Award winner – Jerry Templer!

Mr. Templer is a regular at the council meetings because his wife, Joan Lindsay, sits on the dais – or, maybe because he just needs something to occupy his time. If one watches a few council meetings, one will notice Mr. Templer leap to his feet to impart various nuggets of wisdom, which usually sound very much like the train of thought espoused by his lovely wife.

Last week’s COW meeting was no different. Templer got up at 51:14 to oppose the removal of the skate park from the Palmetto Bay Park master plan. His comments reiterated Ms. Lindsay’s suggestion that the council staff poll the neighbors causing SDM to wonder: If the staff actually polls the neighbors, who gets credit for the idea at Casa de Lindsay?

Mr. Templer also made sure to point out that he didn’t want to see soccer fields at Palmetto Bay park and that the existing green space should be maintained, which inspired his chutzpa: Templer said that to add more ball fields with lights, the village could go ahead and purchase 5 acres to the west of the park!

SDM Codebreaker: There are two five-acre tracts to the west of Palmetto Bay park and both are in private hands. One is owned by Miami Children’s Hospital and the other is owned by Palmetto Bay’s second-most-famous litigant-partner, Shores at Palmetto Bay. The Shores property was set to be developed into a charter school and commercial complex until Mayor Stanczyk and her cronies decided to kill off the project without a proper hearing. Thus, Mr. Templer is echoing a nutty idea – pushed originally by super-gadfly Marsha Matson – where Palmetto Bay shuts down the Shores project and then buys the property at a hefty discount.

Now, some might look at such a scheme as extortion, but what’s a little blackmail when it’s all for the children? Oops, the charter school would also be serving children by giving Palmetto Bay kids and others an alternative to the local school district monopoly. So, SDM guesses the real issue must be that some of the folks living to the east of the park just can’t stand the sound of kids playing softball near their homes.

SDM Says: Congratulations Mr. Templer on your shameless suggestion to use taxpayer money to pander to voters.

SDM Wonders: The only question is whether you are pandering on behalf of the good councilwoman — or for yourself? Hmmm…. Now that would really be chutzpa!

2 comments

March 7, 2013

PB: Shady Village Council Fights Transparency

Shade Session Transcripts Should Be Released to the Public Now

Florida law is very clear on when the transcripts of village shade session must be released:

The transcript shall be made part of the public record upon conclusion of the litigation. § 286.011, Fla. Stat.

But in Palmetto Bay, the land of transparency when convenient, there are many ways to interpret the law to avoid disclosure to the public:

1. The six different lawsuits are “intertwined” according to Village Attorney Eve Boutsis.

This despite the fact that the legislature did not provide for withholding public records based on such an undefined concept. Nor has Palmetto Bay adopted a policy stating that it will withhold from the public certain records of lawsuits when the actions are hypothetically “intertwined.”

Boutsis stated clearly that the Attorney General “punted” on whether “intertwined” lawsuits is an exception to the law that states shades session transcripts for concluded litigation “shall be made part of the public record.” (In fact, the letter from the A.G., to which SDM linked in yesterday’s post PB: Roberts Rules Guest Post by Vice Mayor John Dubois, does not address intertwined lawsuits.)

SDM Says: Given that the statute is mandatory – note the use of the word “shall” – the conservative reading of the statute is that the transcripts must be released. Any attorneys out there want to opine on this question?

2. Mayor Stanczyk argued that the village “can’t extract one thing,” presumably meaning that the council debated settling all the lawsuits together so there is no way to separate the discussions on the concluded and pending lawsuits.

The village would have to argue in court that the legislature’s use of the word “shall” permits an exception when the council is entertaining a global settlement of multiple lawsuits with the same party on the same facts. Of the arguments made at the Monday meeting, this one is most technically intriguing.

SDM Says: The problem with the Mayor’s argument is that courts have already solved this problem; they regularly require redaction. Therefore, under The Stanczyk Exception, the clerk should make a good faith effort to release the transcripts with any comments related to pending litigation redacted from the document. To argue that every comment or statement made during the shade sessions is privileged under the statute strains credulity.

3. Mayor Stanczyk proffered another rationale for withholding public records when she articulated what SDM calls the “Little Village Exception” to the Public Records Act.

Though both the county and Palmetto Bay are governed by the same statutory provisions, Stanczyk argues that the village should hide records from taxpayers because the county is a “mighty beast” and Palmetto Bay is just a little (backward and mismanaged) municipality. [Okay, SDM added something there. ]

SDM Says: This is just more nonsense and the Village Attorney has a duty to advise the Mayor that there is no exception to the Public Records Act based on a municipality’s size or wealth.

The bottom line is really a question of public policy: should the taxpayers be granted access to their government’s official deliberations once the litigation is concluded? Three of Palmetto Bay’s elected officials – Mayor Shelley Stanczyk, Councilwoman Joan Lindsay and Councilman Tim Schaeffer (The Three Amigos live!) – voted to keep the facts from the people who elected them.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Palmetto Bay Officials also Withhold Their Laws from the Public

SDM went on municode.com while researching this post. The village directs the public to Municode to review the village’s code of ordinances, including the charter. Would you be surprised if SDM told you that the village has not updated Municode since June 4, 2012?

SDM Says: The Village of Palmetto Bay and its leaders pay lip service to transparency and anyone who continues to believe their assertions to the contrary is ignoring the plain facts and some serious incompetence.

4 comments

March 5, 2013

PB: March 4 Council Meeting Quick Bites

Robert’s Rules of Order Controversy

During last night’s dysfunctional meeting, Village Attorney Eve Boutsis claimed that Councilman Fiore improperly voted against his own motion. Because of this parliamentary ruling, the site plan vote that had lost, was reconsidered and eventually passed.

SDM, as our readers know, is something of a skeptic so we investigated Robert’s Rules and found the following reference related to voting on one’s own motion: “The maker of a motion, though he can vote against it, cannot speak against his own motion.” (Article VII, Section 42, Debate.)

5:00 PM Update: SDM confirmed a couple things since posting this information earlier today. First, Village Attorney did in fact mistakenly opine that Robert’s Rules of Order prohibits a member from voting against his or her own motion. Second, Robert’s Rules does in fact permit the maker of a motion to vote against his or her motion. Third, based on SDM’s reading of the village council’s procedures ordinance together with Robert’s Rules, the vote cannot be reconsidered at the next council meeting. Fourth, in the immortal words of Ricky Ricardo, somebody’s got some splainin’ to do.

SDM Wonders: If the village attorney – in her role as parliamentarian – gives a legally binding opinion on the rules that turns out to be wrong, what is the remedy?

SDM Says: Perhaps Palmetto Bay operates under a different version of Robert’s Rules than the one SDM Googled. If so, the village attorney should cite the authority upon which she relied or repair the damage done.

Dysfunction on Display

One of SDM’s regular readers likes to post every few months the following: “Fiore for Mayor!” Well, after last night’s display, SDM cannot see how Mr. Fiore could stand for the post. He is just not coherent enough to lead this village.

Specifically, Fiore offered an amendment to the Palmetto Bay parks master plan amendment to the effect that the skate park should be retained in the plan and that the proposed soccer fields should be moved to Coral Reef Park. The problem was that the Coral Reef plan had already been decided in a previous vote.

When he was advised of the conundrum, Fiore appeared truly flummoxed and lost. SDM watched this event live and couldn’t help but squirm watching the meltdown.

Generally, SDM likes the way Fiore votes and the way that he stands up against Mayor Shelley’s perpetual nonsense. But last night, Fiore proved he can’t play ball at even Palmetto Bay’s single A level.

Learning Curve Continues

Vice Mayor John Dubois is bold, but not prepared and perhaps he learned last night that he must be both to succeed.

SDM believes it was during the Palmetto Bay Park item that Dubois’s had his moment of incomprehensibility. He attempted to amend the motion to state (SDM is paraphrasing from memory here) that whatever the council was permitting the village to do at the park, village private schools and churches are allowed to do the same.

SDM understands the sentiment, but the format was completely wrong. The council was adopting a site plan and a zoning change for each of these specific properties. Attaching the private schools and churches provision did nothing substantively or legally, as village staff advised.

Councilwoman Lindsay kindly explained the Vice Mayor’s error (she deserves kudos for doing so because her frustration with the inanity of the moment was shared by SDM), but Mr. Dubois just kept on keeping on.

Running a local government serious business and demands the kind of preparation one would make to run one’s business or do one’s day job. Mr. Dubois and Mr. Fiore clearly had not prepared themselves for the meeting and came off looking ridiculous. It’s not enough to vote right, gentlemen.

SDM Says: How very, very disappointing.

Comical Council

SDM’s general observation of last night’s meeting is that the council is tying itself up in knots over minutiae. Prior councils have created a Rubik’s Cube process for managing areas where the public gathers and our elected officials can’t seem to work their way through the thicket they created.

Perhaps this council needs time to gel into a working body, but boy is it tough to watch them stumble through meetings leaderless.

SDM was reminded on the nineteenth century German statesman Otto Von Bismarck who is credited with first observing that “laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.”

SDM Says: No matter how painful it is to watch, we must supervise the ingredients stuffed into the casings of our laws so that the resulting sausages do not make us sick.

9 comments

February 5, 2013

PB: The Circus is in Town

SDM watched a lot, but not all, of last night’s village council meeting and all we can ask is…was there a carnival barker standing outside the chamber? Step right up and don’t be shy, because you will not believe your eyes!

SDM’s inescapable conclusion is that these folks really don’t like each other much, and we are speaking specifically of Mayor Stanczyk and Vice Mayor Dubois, though Mr. Fiore had a moment of outrage that rivals those of the other two.

SDM Aside: When will the folks managing the chamber toss out the audience members who continue to shout at the officials on the dais? Yes, we can hear you, you obnoxious person(s), even out there in TV and internet land. You are as much to blame for the circus atmosphere as the folks on the dais.

But it wasn’t all invective. In fact, our ever reliable Mayor Malaprop provided the audience with a Norm Crosby moment that SDM will cherish forevermore.

For those of you who did not grow up in the days of the Ed Sullivan Show, Norm Crosby is probably a mystery. Crosby was a comedian who relied upon malaprops – words that sound like they belong in a sentence, but whose meaning is totally out-of-place – to break up the audience.

For example, at a roast of Barry Goldwater, Crosby remarked that it was up to the American people to ensure that President Johnson’s “War on Puberty” will succeed: “If you don’t pitch in and do your part and we in Washington don’t pitch in and do our part, then pretty soon we won’t have a part to pitch in.” Crosby also liked to say that he drank “decapitated” coffee.

In true Crosby fashion, Mayor Stanczyk – during her comments supporting run-off elections – stated that participation in runoffs was “sacrilegious” when she probably meant “sacrosanct.” (The words are near antonyms, which is no small feat.)

The only difference between Crosby and Stanczyk is that the audience laughs upon hearing the former and cringes upon hearing the latter.

+++

Perhaps the most heated exchanges – there were many to choose from – came at the end of the meeting when Mr. Dubois’s plan to fire the village attorney was taken up.

After a long, rambling introduction of his item – containing both legitimate points of concern alongside petty annoyances – Mayor Stanczyk mounted her high horse and lit into Dubois. SDM can’t recall the precise words (there were so many strung together), but it would have been quicker to merely call Dubois a liar and a cheat. Dubois’s rejoinder was that Stanczyk was out of her mind.

Now, SDM understands Mr. Dubois’s sentiment, but this gripping interaction was truly shameful and an embarrassment to both parties.

For Mr. Dubois, the clear problem is that he is like a wobbling colt just beginning to understand the nature of his environment and how his legs work. He desperately needs to develop a tactful manner…that’s as tactfully as SDM can put it. SDM is sure Mr. Dubois will learn but it is painful to watch.

For Mayor Stanczyk the status quo ante prevails just as it always has done: she just cannot act at the same time as both chairperson in charge of a meeting and commentator on all things. In addition to her misstatements, she just doesn’t run a sound meeting and her abuse of the chairperson’s prerogatives is growing tiresome.

As to the substance of the issue, the village attorney’s ostensible supporters did her enormous damage last night.

When a leader becomes weakened in parliamentary forms of governance, a vote of confidence is often taken. SDM’s intelligent and insightful readers will see the contradiction in such an act immediately. Wouldn’t a weakened leader just be further weakened by proving that she couldn’t avoid a vote of confidence in the first place? The answer, of course is yes, a vote of confidence – especially one that is narrowly carried – can signal the death knell for a leader and it did so here.

After a long and circuitous discussion, Mayor Stanczyk called the question on the amended item. According to the motion, the item would be deferred to the next meeting and a discussion of the village attorney’s billing practices would take place at the intervening COW meeting. Stanczyk and Lindsay voted no. Fiore, Dubois and self-described swing vote Schaffer joined together to pass it.

The result is the worst possible outcome for the village attorney. She must prepare for, and sit through, another uncomfortable grilling at the COW and again at the next council meeting in March. In the meantime, the council’s direction to her is as muddled as is her future with Palmetto Bay.

At the nadir of the mud fight, Councilwoman Lindsay called on her colleagues to behave like adults. SDM concurs with the sentiment though unfortunately none appeared.

No adult with experience or concern amended the motion to put the legal contract out to bid, which would have terminated the inquiry one way or the other. At least then the village attorney would be spared the unprofessional character assassination and the concomitant inept defense to which she was subjected last night.

SDM Says to Mr. Dubois: It’s not too late. Bring a proposal to the COW that will put the legal services contract out to bid. The item should include a proposed contract and – if you are ambitious – a policies and procedures manual for the village attorney. End the free form nonsense and follow a customary procedure or continue to behave like your nemesis. The choice is yours.

33 comments

February 4, 2013

PB Agenda Quick Bites: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

EDC Getting Some Love

SDM was glad to see that the village will be sponsoring the Economic Development Council’s golf tournament, which is a major component of the annual EDC’s funding. For those not familiar with the EDC, it is the only economic development organization dedicated to our area and it is where local businesses go to learn about opening their doors here.

Palmetto Bay is right to participate in the fundraiser and should consider doing more.

Karyn Cunningham Staying Involve

Former Vice Mayor Candidate Karyn Cunningham looks to be appointed to the village’s educational compact committee, which is good for all of us. Ms. Cunningham deserves the opportunity to remain involved in village politics so that we may see her run again. SDM was favorably impressed by her campaign and is glad to see that she is willing to donate her time to village causes.

Tying Auto Insurance to Property Insurance is a Bad Idea

Councilman Fiore has included on the agenda an item urging the legislature to require any company writing auto insurance to also write property insurance. What Mr. Fiore may not know is that this experiment in exercising regulatory muscle was tried and failed in New Jersey.

New Jersey residents faced increasing auto insurance rates because many companies chose to exit the market rather than expose their businesses to the complexities and risks associated with the property insurance market.

Before the village council assents to Mr. Fiore’s idea, they should spend some time researching the issue to see if it will serve the purpose intended.

Other Bad Ideas in the Legislative Package

Supporting the school district’s legislative package in toto. This is not a bad idea in the sense that assisting the school district is a bad idea; rather, this is a bad idea because SDM would bet a campaign contribution that none of the council has read the district’s legislative package. Our school district is a political body just like all the others and they deserve scrutiny and not blind assent.

Supporting expansion of early voting sites and hours. SDM has only one question: Who will pay for this? It’s as if our elected officials have no interest in digging into these questions when they push for new ways to spend our money. Do we even know if this will actually work?

Opposing legislation that restricts or eliminates municipal revenues generated through communications services taxes and by local business taxes. SDM’s readers are a wise and intellectual bunch. Do you understand what this item means?

SDM Codebreaker: We will be sending our village lobbyist to Tallahassee to support these taxes being imposed upon our businesses! We are paying our taxes so that the Mayor can go and keep us paying other taxes. Doesn’t this make you feel good about your government?

The First Fix to the Broken NPO: Give the Village Special Treatment

Item 12C is an ordinance that grants village parks – including Wedding Central at Thalatta Estate – special dispensation. If the ordinance passes, village parks will be permitted to violate the supposedly sacrosanct maximum decibels as written into the NPO.

You see, the village just figured out that children playing in the parks may be occasionally loud enough to violate the village’s noise pollution standards so – of course – Mayor Stanczyk and Councilwoman Lindsay have decided to exempt themselves.

But what about children playing at churches and private schools? Well, their joyous laughter will continue to be squashed by the village because Councilwoman Lindsay wants her peculiar version of peace and quiet.

SDM Wonders: Do Councilwoman Lindsay and Mayor Stanczyk believe that the folks living near Palmetto Bay’s parks have rights inferior to those living near Palmer Trinity School?

SDM Says: In a hyper-regulatory environment like we have in our little village, residents face a choice: silence all the children or silence none. SDM supports the latter.

2 comments

January 31, 2013

PB: SDM’s Campaign Kickoff Meeting

SDM was ready to blog on the upcoming Palmetto Bay council meeting, but that juicy topic will have to wait because Mayor Stanczyk and Councilwoman Lindsay are at it again. And it got SDM to thinking…

SDM: Thank you all for coming to my campaign meeting. We have decided to run for Mayor of Palmetto Bay!

Campaign Consultant (CC): It’s only you and me here, SDM.

SDM: SDM likes to think of ourselves in the plural…like the Queen of England.

CC: Whatever, you’re the client. Now, let’s get on to the key issue…

SDM: Yes, the key issue: SDM needs more publicity! Our opposition (growling), Mayor Shelley Stanczyk, is getting it all and SDM will not stand for it a moment longer.

CC: Publicity? That’s not the key issue here. The critical matter…

SDM: The critical matter is that SDM needs to have our mug plastered all over the place so the village people – rather the village people who vote – will vote for SDM and not for that…er…other person. So, here is my, er… our idea: SDM will publish in the widely read Miami Herald Neighbors…

CC: Widely read?

SDM: Stop interrupting us or we will have you tossed from the Chamber. SDM will publish in the very widely read Miami Herald Neighbors a picture of SDM standing between Councilwoman Joan Lindsay and Mayor Shelley Stanczyk! When the village people see this picture, they will say: Wow, SDM knows people who are famous and important! The village people will transfer the importance of these two elected officials onto SDM and – voila – SDM will be famous, too! It’s so easy. Let’s make this happen.

CC: Where do I start? First, the idea that fame transfers from one person to another just because of a photo-op is ridiculous SDM. Second, and more importantly…

SDM: Ridiculous?!? Then why would Amiga One and Amiga Two go to Palmer Trinity School and have their photos taken with Martin Luther King III, hmmmm??? Nobody even noticed how hypocritical they were being, especially after interfering with that poor school for over five years. It seems to be working for them, isn’t it? Maybe SDM should hire their PR flack and get rid of you.

CC: Now, now SDM, let’s not be hasty. Maybe you are right…er, I mean, of course, you are right! Fame does wash off, even if the act of getting oneself near the famous person is totally and absurdly hypocritical. But…

SDM: But what?

CC: How do we get a picture of you and the Amigas? I mean, have you ever read your blog?

SDM: Pish posh, they don’t know who we are. Besides, they will be running for re-election soon and we will just give them a fat contribution of $20 each. Politicians love money and campaign contributions, too.

CC: Twenty dollars…er, of course SDM, $20 would be an excellent and generous contribution and certainly not too much given the quality of their leadership.

SDM: Precisely! Now, you’re catching on. It’s all settled then… What now?

CC: SDM, you’re anonymous.

SDM: And???

CC: How can you be in a picture if you’re anonymous?

SDM: Must we think of everything? The answer is really very simple, we will be represented in the photo by a mannequin.

CC: A mannequin?

SDM: Yes! Like the ones in Macy’s window. You will take the mannequin to the photo-op and any other campaign event and the mannequin will be SDM’s earthly body for that purpose. Simple.

CC: Uhhh…but the mannequin can’t talk or respond to questions. What if it gets elected?

SDM: If it gets elected? You really are dense, you know that? Do you think the SDM mannequin would be the first mindless body seated on the Palmetto Bay council? Ever heard of Shelley Stanczyk, Brian Pariser or the Marathon Man?

CC: But…but how will it legislate, make motions and vote and such?

SDM: Oh for the love of Pete! SDM will talk through a speaker installed in the mannequin’s mouth, just like Lindsay and the Mayor. Don’t you worry, SDM has thought of everything.

*Author’s note: Any resemblance of the characters in this scene to any living person is merely dumb luck and should be ignored normal persons.

7 comments

December 4, 2012

PB: Schaffer’s First Move – Shut Out The Public

Following a hostile little exchange between new Vice Mayor John Dubois and Mayor Shelley Stanczyk (31:00 – 33:00) at last night’s first meeting of the new council, new Councilman Tim Schaffer made his first controversial decision: to shut out the public from village “shade” sessions.

Before SDM covers this disturbing act of Amigo-ness, let’s roll back the tape to Mayor Stanczyk’s “welcome” to Vice Mayor Dubois. The Village Attorney asked to schedule a shade session to review the lawsuit involving Palmetto Bay and the company called Shores at Palmetto Bay, LLC, which is proposing a charter school on Franjo Road.

Mr. Dubois acknowledged that he was available for the proposed shade session, but also stated that he opposed holding shade sessions on principle – one that SDM shares. Namely, that the public should be present at attorney-client meetings because village money – taxpayer’s money – is at risk.

By the way, SDM learned something new in the discussion: that the heralded county holds ALMOST ALL of its attorney-client sessions in the sunshine! SDM would think Ms. Lindsay would be jumping up and down to conform the village code to this provision of the county code, especially given her obsession with that body of law. Of course, hypocrisy is nearly invisible to the eye of the hypocrite – even SDM suffers this malady at times.

After Mr. Dubois said his piece, the Mayor – as is her perpetual wont – commented on his comment. Mr. Dubois attempted to rebut her comment but the Mayor rudely cut him off. Her “little gorilla” law is that the best way to manage public discourse is to shut it down on the council or to keep it behind closed doors whenever possible. (SDM Wonders: Will Mr. Dubois stand up to the Mayor’s when she tries to channel her inner little gorilla? )

A few minutes later, new member Schaffer asked if the public was permitted to speak at these shade sessions, which drew a tumult of responses from the Mayor and others. It appeared to SDM that the Marathon Man first learned of the village’s practice of hiding information from the public last night! Amazing, really.

In the resulting hubbub, the Mayor and Councilwoman Lindsay sufficiently intimidated Mr. Schaffer so that he agreed to the shade session, thus making his first important act one that shuts the public out of the village’s decision-making process.

SDM Says: SDM hasn’t walked a mile in the Marathon Man’s shoes, but Mr. Scaffer’s first decision shows his little red truck is not fast enough to avoid being run over by the Two Amigos. But by being unprepared and showing weakness, Mr. Schaffer’s political career is not off to a very auspicious start.

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December 3, 2012

PB: Council Meeting Quick Bites

New Village Council Members

Tonight’s village council meeting will see two new faces sworn-in: John Dubois as Vice Mayor and Tim E. Schaffer as Councilman.

It’s not clear how the village’s political landscape will change given that Mayor Shelley Stacnzyk is joined at the hip with Councilwoman Joan Lindsay. These two dragged former Vice Mayor Brian Pariser into a series of difficult votes on controversial subjects. SDM believes Mr. Pariser was retired from office precisely because he failed to distinguish himself from Stanczyk and Lindsay.

On the other side sits Patrick Fiore (who is making noises about running against Stanczyk in two years). Dubois benefited from Fiore’s support in the past election, though Fiore couldn’t pull his candidate Jim Araiza across the finish line. Therefore, Palmetto Bay’s second new face is the unknown Schaffer. (SDM calls him Marathon Man because of his fuel purchasing habits.)

So what exactly can residents expect from this new council? SDM suspects Mr. Fiore and Mr. Dubois will work in tandem and that Stanczyk and Lindsay will stay in their camp. This will leave Schaffer to either join the Amigos, to stand independently, or to join the Fiore-Dubois group. Schaffer owes his election to the Stanczyk-Lindsay operation so early money says he will step directly into Brian Pariser’s empty loafers.

SDM Says: If Schaffer becomes the third Amigo, nothing much will change in Palmetto Bay. Property owners will be under the gun of the crazies that support Stanczyk and Lindsay and village government will continue on its intrusive, hyper-regulatory course. If the Marathon Man breaks from the Amigos, residents might see a more reasonable government…and Schaffer will grow a target on his back from the SOPs and CCOCI folks.

Decorum Rising

In addition to swearing-in the new members, the village council will take up the crucial issue of reading the decorum statement before each meeting starts. If adopted, the decorum statement will be read as the second order of business, right before the Mayor starts handing out her proclamations and honors every local sports team that wins anything.

SDM Wonders: The decorum statement is pretty straightforward but it is incomplete because it is not addressed to the council itself. From SDM’s perspective, most of the indecorous behavior at village meetings comes from the dais and from the spouses of those on the dais sitting in the back of the chamber. Let’s hope the council listens to the decorum statement and applies it to themselves.

Misapplying the First Amendment

The minutes of the November 5, 2012 council meeting (Item 12A) contains an interesting misapplication of this provision of the U.S. Constitution: ”Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Village Attorney Eve Boutsis’ was asked a question about the village’s sponsorship ordinance:

Councilman Tendrich noted that on page 4 of 9, line 36, to state that an illegal business would be prohibited from advertising seems obvious. He asked about churches that volunteer in Palmetto Bay.

Attorney Boutsis explained that this is a matter of separation of church and state. (Emphasis added by SDM.)

SDM Wonders: How would a church’s purchase of a sponsorship of a village event “establish a religion” or “prohibit the exercise” of a religion? Of course, it wouldn’t and Ms. Boutsis should know this. In fact, SDM would argue that by singling out churches, the village is actually preemptively prohibiting speech based on content, which is a constitutional no-no.

SDM Says: Most village churches by now have zero interest in supporting the village’s events, but Palmetto Bay leaders cannot say with a straight face that they support local churches while at the same time they limit their freedom of speech.

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South Dade Matters

Tag: Joan Lindsay